Letting Go

More wise words from Marc and Angel.

The past can steal your present if you let it. – You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, or even years sitting alone in a dark room, over-analyzing a situation from the past, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or should’ve happened.  Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and walk out the front door into the sunlight to get some fresh air.

Wise words, but OH SO HARD to do. There are many, many things that I have easily let go of… toxic friends, toxic work relationships, toxic people in general, but the one thing I am still having a hard time letting go of is the resentment I have from leaving Abu Dhabi last year due to working with a sociopath. Beating myself up for quitting a perfectly good job at a wonderful hospital (and turning down a promotion!) to try something different, start a maternity unit that was going to offer water birth for the first time in the Middle East. I ended up working with someone who was truly sociopathic in her behavior. Scary at times, to be honest. Many of the upper level management, like myself, have left the job because of her.

So why can’t I get past it… almost a year later? I did some work with my friend Julia Murchison, the most amazing massage therapist in the world. She was doing myofascial massage and we were chatting away. While we were chatting away she began working on an area of my abdomen. I suddenly burst into tears. I was quite confused about all of the emotions that I was having at the moment, for no apparent reason (at least to me). She asked me what I was thinking about right at that moment and I was thinking about how much I missed working in Abu Dhabi… the place she was working on represents resentment and that is exactly how I was feeling at the time.

I don’t know how long I’ll hold on to this anger about leaving. I really loved it there. I loved the culture, the people, the life style and my friends. I learned SO much from the midwives that I worked with at the Corniche Hospital… I was the only American… my mates were from England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, India, the Philippines, Pakistan and more. It was rich with culture, religion and birthing differently than I was use to. I miss it and I miss my friends that became like family.

I am going home, to Florida, in September. I am excited about it. I can’t wait to be back with my family and friends, but I will always have this little side of me that says, “What if”, about Abu Dhabi… my home away from home. I guess Julia has a LOT of work to do on me! 😀

I’m off to put on my “big girl panties” and get on with my day. I don’t regret leaving the pieces on the floor and walking away from the job I switched to. I am working towards being appreciative of the time that I did have there and the 1 year opportunity I’ve had working and living in China.

What do you have a hard time letting go of? If you’ve been successful at letting go, what is your secret?

Off to finish my work day!

Ciao!

Results ARE typical – Dukan Diet

Dukan Diet – Consolidation Phase – Day 49

Today’s Weight: 148 lbs/67.27 kg
Goal Weight: 155 lbs/70.5 kg
Weight loss Total: Well… the starting weight was 255 lb/115 kg!

This morning, it’s Friday morning here in Hangzhou, China, I woke up to an email from the Dukan Diet web site. They had posted my success story on their web page. I am honored!  Here’s the link Sandi B. Success Story.

I want people to know that with the Dukan Diet RESULTS ARE TYPICAL. They really are. If you follow the principles outlined by Dr. Dukan in his book you WILL lose weight, meet your goals AND keep it off. I bought my book in Abu Dhabi at the urging of my friend Lucy, thank you Lucy! You can buy the book here iTunes or here Amazon. If you are thinking of following the Dukan Diet I strongly recommend that you read the book from cover to cover. I met Dr. Dukan’s True Weight 3 days after he told me I would… In other words, 8 months after putting my data into the Dukan site, I hit my TW 3 days after he said I would. Dr. Dukan knows what he is talking about!

The other thing that made me successful on this diet were following the blogs of Charlotte and Moonday and Mel and many others who share their ups and downs and their over and outs… LOL. There are many, many other blogs that I follow now (which reminds me I need to update that blog roll!). Constance at Becoming She Hulk has also lost more than 100 pounds and is keeping it off… great advise at her blog about Dukan, body building and more. She has been a true inspiration to me!

So go on over and read my success story… I’m so excited about it! I’ll blog later about the meals I’ve been eating in Consolidation and I promise I’ll get back to daily blogging about Dukan and running. I woke up this morning FINALLY feeling non-jet lagged! 🙂

If this is your first visit to my blog… welcome. Take a seat and stay awhile. For those of you that have been on this ride with me for a while… thank you 🙂

And the proof is in the pictures….

BEFORE PICS:

With mom in Dubai. Jan 2011

August 2011… 2 weeks before I started Dukan.

August 2011

I think you get the picture!

AFTER PICS:

Hiking in April… almost there!

Teaching Emergency Birth skills class – June 2012

With Bernadette – June 2012

And finally… dinner out with great friends a few weeks ago…

Awesome friends 🙂

RESULTS.ARE.TYPICAL… they really can be!

Ciao!

 

DAY 3 – 60 Day Photo Challenge

Day 03 – A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

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I loved this show. Hell, I’m emotional writing this and the show ended 7 years ago! I loved Andy Sipowitz, played by Dennis Franz. I can’t tell you how many tears of joy and sadness I shed over the course of 12 years.

Ironically, I was here in China on March 1, 2005, when the final episode aired. I was doing a private home birth in Hong Kong. A friend of mine recorded it on her VCR for me. I still have the tape! Actually I have the entire series on DVD 😀

Great show, wonderful cast… I miss Andy!

Weekly Photo Challenge – Hands

This photo was taken in Pennapiedimonte, Italy. The hands on the clock are the same ones that were there when my great-grandfather, Antonio Santoleri married his bride Sofia DiPlacido in this church in 1898. The face of the clock was changed in 1963, the year I was born. The clock gongs every 15 minutes, so wherever you are in the village, you know what time it is without looking at a watch. The priest at the church showed my son Nick and I the church record of their marriage, along with the births of many of their children. we also stayed in their home with a cousin from the DiPlacido side of the family, Domenico. The family resemblance was stunning!

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My Surgery

Phew… it’s been a helluva week. It is Sunday night, I THINK, and I’m on a flight from Hangzhou to Hong Kong. I boarded this plane less than 72 hours after being under general anesthesia for liposuction. I feel like crap! And that’s putting it mildly.

Just want to pre-warn that there will be some pictures of during and after my surgery. So stop right now if ya don’t wanna see… Hey! Don’t scroll down, you have to read first! 🙂

Wednesday, May 9 (Happy birthday Charity… I love you and I’m a shitty aunt for not sending you birthday wishes)… Kitty and I leave at 615 am for the train station.

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Four hour train ride to Wenzhou, where we get checked into the hotel and go to hospital for 2nd consult with cosmetic surgeon. He and the Director of the Cosmetic Surgery department make me feel at ease, discuss what will be done on Thursday, go over the informed consent thoroughly and the papers are signed. Nice dinner out with the hospital admin and the guest speakers for tomorrow’s events. I had wine. I deserved it, lol 🙂

This is where I’m going to answer the question that 3 people have privately emailed me this week… Why did I have liposuction? Quite simply, at 48 years old, having been obese for most of my adult life, and having lost nearly 100 pounds in 8 months, I had fat that wasn’t going anywhere. It had settled in a few places that I didn’t like. Most noticeably to me was the inner aspect of my knees. About 6 weeks ago I noticed that my legs were getting so toned from running that my thighs no longer touched… WOO HOO… But my knees still did. I did tons of research on what kinds of exercise would get rid of it and the bottom line is none. I didn’t like it. In clothes (SIZE 10!!!) I looked great. But naked, not so much. I’ve been doing yoga 2x a week, running 5+K 5x a week and using the stretch bands 2x a week and it wasn’t budging. Not that it matters, because I had liposuction because I wanted it 🙂 And that is what is the most important.

Thursday, May 10 (Happy Birthday, Sydnie Renae, momma sent your mommy a text message, thanks for the response back)… Up early for a marketing event at the hospital. My job, stand on stage with the other dignitaries and support the company’s cross-straight relationship with Taiwan with a new IVF clinic using the latest technology. Very exciting for our Wenzhou patients!

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My surgery was originally scheduled for 10 am, after the event, but was postponed until 2, so Kitty and I headed back to the hotel for a rest. It was around noon that I found out that my blog had been suspended… I wrote about that yesterday, but I was more upset about that happening than the surgery! I wasn’t nervous about the surgery, because I felt completely confident with my decision and completely confident in my surgeon. At 2 pm Kitty and I went to the 7th floor to see the surgeon and get drawn on.

Kitty and I on our way back to hospital for operation…

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I then put on jammies for the walk down to the OR. I was able to walk in and get on the OR table myself. The anesthetist introduced herself and the Chief anesthetist came in and introduced himself. I was unbelievably calm. My heart rate was 57 bpm. Kitty was by my side. And as they gave me he “put you to sleep medicine” I looked over at Kitty and asked her if that’s what they gave me… I woke up 3.5 hours later. Here’s a peek at what happened in the OR.

Getting the fat sucked out of tummy..

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This is my surgeon proudly displaying jar #1… There was a second jar with 700mL… And yes jar #1 is full to the top 🙂

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I woke up a little panicky, but then Kitty reassured me she was there and I calmed. I was shivering u controllable. I kept trying to clear my throat because it’s hoarse from being intubated. I was on a heart monitor and kept asking for my glasses so I could monitor my vital signs 🙂 For some reason I was fixated on my oxygen saturation rate (it would drop to 89% and I’d take deep breaths to get it back up… lol). Kitty never left my side. When everyone left the room she told me that they sucked out 2500mL of fat and 400mL came from my knees. She’s such a good Doobie! I vomited 7 times. They had me on a drip of Fentanyl and no anti-emetic available. Something we’ll talk about at the follow-up. I turned off the fentanyl, since it hurt worse to puke.

Friday, May 11 (Happy Birthday, Sadie Rose! Momma loves you and I sent a message to your mommy… I’m sure she gave it to you!) My daughters gave birth 22 hours and 35 minutes apart 8 years ago, giving me to gorgeous grand-girls!

Around 400 a.m., my bladder starting bothering me, the foley was pulling, the bag was full. Kitty couldn’t fine a nurse, so she got me out of bed and I went in search for a syringe, so I could remove it myself! Which I did!

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Kitty lovingly went back to the hotel to bring me yogurt for breakfast. And the news that the Taizhou CEO really, really wanted me to go there for their Sunday water birth event. He’s a really nice guy, I laid out the terms of what would need to be done to make it happen and within in an hour it was settled… Kitty and I were leaving Wenzhou to go back for one night in Hangzhou. So off we went… Less than 24 hours post op… Before we left Kitty took these lovely pics of my bruising…

Bruise over upper abdomen, over liver area…

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This is the right side of my body… Wonder why I feel like I’ve been hit with a Mack truck?..

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Here’s the sun setting at the Wenzhou train station…

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Into Hangzhou late… Straight to bed, repack early in the morning and I walked to work with Olivia. Nice slow walk. Kitty got all my medicine together and I had my daily dose of antibiotics. Not a big fan, but this is China and I teach infection control… ‘Nuff said 🙂 while sitting there getting my IV, my CEO sends me a big bouquet of flowers…

Warning… Bad hair moment!

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Saturday, May 12

Then BACK to the train station to go to Taizhou!

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Beautiful room in Taizhou. I make Kitty and I dinner… Now listen here folks… If I can haul my little stove, pan, spatula, meat and onions 3 hours on a train, 48 hours after surgery and stay on my diet… Then SO CAN YOU! 🙂

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About 3 minutes after we finish eating, we get a call that the car is downstairs to go to dinner with the CEO and guests for the next days events. We went and picked at the food. In bed by 9 pm and Kitty and I watched Big Momma, Like Father, Like Son… We laughed until we cried… Funny movie.

Sunday, May 13… HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY

Up at 7 to go to hospital for IV infusion before event. I stir fried steak for Kitty and I and had a yogurt with Splenda and flax seed meal. While getting my IV I practiced my speech for the ceremony.

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Then downstairs for the event. I delivered the first water birth baby in Taizhou a couple months ago and the mommy was there with the baby…

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Here’s the wall banner for the event…

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Then lunch with the gang and back to the train station for the 3 hour trip back to Hangzhou. Long, sad ride knowing these were my last few hours with Kitty 😦 Her last day is Tuesday, so today was our day together. Kitty slept, as per usual…

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We get to the Hangzhou train station and my driver Jerry scooped us off and off to the airport… Geez oh Pete! Jerry put the front seat down, so I could elevate my legs on the ride… He’s awesome!

Hangzhou airport… Goodbye Kitty! You’ve been the best personal assistant over the past 8 months. You’ve grown and improved and probably learned more from me than you should have, lol. Through you I’ve learned patience. Kitty’s last cute quote as she wiped my tears away, “now stop crying, you’re smearing the eyelash make-up”… Love the girl.

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I look like crap in this picture… 5 cities in four days. This shot was taken less than 72 hours after I came out of surgery. Everyone keeps saying I’m strong. I think I’m stupid!

Flight to Hong Kong, uneventful… Here’s a shot while we were landing…

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So, to wrap things up…
1. Elective surgery hurts the same as non-elective surgery.

2. I had the following done:

a. Inside aspect of knees
b. Above the knee
c. Inside upper thigh
d. Upper abdomen
e. Two spots on each side of my back

3. No one tells you how shitty you really feel after liposuction. I’m here to tell you that you feel like:

a. You’ve been hit by a truck
b. You’ve been run over by a train
c. You’ve been dropped from a 20 story building
d. You’ve run full on into a brick wall
e. You’ve been beaten with a baseball bat

4. Hard to find pictures of what you look like after liposuction, I’ve shared them here. You look battered. You LOOK like you’ve been beaten with a baseball bat. I guess a lot of people don’t want to say they’ve had work done, and that’s OK, but I really would have liked a little insight!

5. I would suggest a bit more rest than I’ve had. That said, I’m vegging out in a hotel room in Hong Kong. I’m suppose to get on a train to Guangzhou today, but I’m thinking I’m not going to do it. I need ME time. They have a lady who is wanting to be the first water birth in Guangzhou and they are waiting for me… She’ll have to wait… This momma is going to take care of herself today… Babies can wait 🙂

Ciao!

Recipe – Dukan – Pan fried Tilapia – Day 263

Monday was a PP Day 🙂

Daily Weight Loss: 1.1 lb/0.50 kg
Total Weight Loss: 91.8 lb/ 41.71 kgs

Well, back to where I was last Friday (my lowest weight). We’ll see what tomorrow brings. This is a recipe post, so here we go!

Pan Fried Tilapia
Serving Size: 1
Total time spent in kitchen… Less than 15 minutes.

Ingredients:
2 lovely Tilapia fillets
PAM pan spray (I used 2 TBS coconut oil, which is not Dukan)
2 TBS bran meal or flax seed meal (I used flax seed)
1 TBS Italian seasoning
Salt to taste
2 large leeks, cut in chunks
1 smallish red onion, cut in chunks

Ingredients

Put bran/flax seed meal and Italian seasoning in flat plate. Stir to mix.

Coating

Heat pan to medium. Coat both sides of fillets until well covered and place in hot pan.

Sizzlin’ hot!

Cook for 3 minutes and then flip over carefully.

Mmmm, Mmmmm Good smells in the kitchen!

Cook for one minute and then add the onions and leeks to the pan and cover. Cook for 3 more minutes.

I’m not on a DIET… I’m on a LIVEIT!

Remove the fish from the pan and plate. Continue to saute the veggies for a couple more minutes.

I pinched a piece off while waiting for the veggies… YUMMY!

Plate the veggies and eat… This is the first time I’ve tried using the flax seed meal like this. I usually get my fiber in by stirring it in my yogurt… I’m disappointed that I waited all this time to try it! YUMMY! Enjoy with those you love… I did!

Wonderful dinner!

Went for a run after dinner in the pouring rain, which was awesome! There was practically no pedestrian traffic in my complex and no smokers, which just kills me when I run through a cloud of smoke (yes, I’m one of those ex-smokers!). AND… I GOT MY FIRST RUNNERS BLISTER! LOL. I know this wouldn’t make most people happy, but darnit, I feel like a real runner now! WOO HOO! 😀 I now know to wear my wool socks if I’m going to run in the rain… lesson learned. I run two different programs while I run. Bridge to 10K (B210K) and Runkeeper. The B201K to coach me through the run and the Runkeeper to track my total workout and be able to map it with the GPS. Runkeeper is also tracking my daily, weekly, monthly and annual distances! Since March I’ve run/walked/hiked a total of 201.6 miles!

Bridge to 10K

RunKeeper

RunKeeper Map

And this is me… at the end of the B210K run… I still had about 7 minutes of cool down to do, but couldn’t resist stopping for a shot… the high from running is better than any drug. Seriously… why the hell didn’t I do this a long time ago? Elation – that’s what it is 🙂

Happy, Wet, Elated, Satisfied, Amazed, Accomplished… etc 🙂

That’s the Monday report!

Ciao!