More wise words from Marc and Angel.
The past can steal your present if you let it. – You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, or even years sitting alone in a dark room, over-analyzing a situation from the past, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or should’ve happened. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and walk out the front door into the sunlight to get some fresh air.
Wise words, but OH SO HARD to do. There are many, many things that I have easily let go of… toxic friends, toxic work relationships, toxic people in general, but the one thing I am still having a hard time letting go of is the resentment I have from leaving Abu Dhabi last year due to working with a sociopath. Beating myself up for quitting a perfectly good job at a wonderful hospital (and turning down a promotion!) to try something different, start a maternity unit that was going to offer water birth for the first time in the Middle East. I ended up working with someone who was truly sociopathic in her behavior. Scary at times, to be honest. Many of the upper level management, like myself, have left the job because of her.
So why can’t I get past it… almost a year later? I did some work with my friend Julia Murchison, the most amazing massage therapist in the world. She was doing myofascial massage and we were chatting away. While we were chatting away she began working on an area of my abdomen. I suddenly burst into tears. I was quite confused about all of the emotions that I was having at the moment, for no apparent reason (at least to me). She asked me what I was thinking about right at that moment and I was thinking about how much I missed working in Abu Dhabi… the place she was working on represents resentment and that is exactly how I was feeling at the time.
I don’t know how long I’ll hold on to this anger about leaving. I really loved it there. I loved the culture, the people, the life style and my friends. I learned SO much from the midwives that I worked with at the Corniche Hospital… I was the only American… my mates were from England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, India, the Philippines, Pakistan and more. It was rich with culture, religion and birthing differently than I was use to. I miss it and I miss my friends that became like family.
I am going home, to Florida, in September. I am excited about it. I can’t wait to be back with my family and friends, but I will always have this little side of me that says, “What if”, about Abu Dhabi… my home away from home. I guess Julia has a LOT of work to do on me! 😀
I’m off to put on my “big girl panties” and get on with my day. I don’t regret leaving the pieces on the floor and walking away from the job I switched to. I am working towards being appreciative of the time that I did have there and the 1 year opportunity I’ve had working and living in China.
What do you have a hard time letting go of? If you’ve been successful at letting go, what is your secret?
Off to finish my work day!
its a good step to even recognise what/who is bugging you. i hope you can work through it.
Thanks 🙂 I’m a lot better now than I was 6 months ago!
Sandi, sorry you are hurting so. Remember the good times, rather than the regrets and soon you will heal. The good times outweigh the sorrows.
Thanks, Mom… I had tons of good times there, for sure!
Echoing smes9 it’s good to be able to recognise the cause. Many people aren’t aware of some experience affecting them/their personality/life so never move on… stuck forever 😦
Thought provoking blog today. I hope the anger & pain subsides
Two painful things for me that I have to let go of to be a happier nicer person……
i) unavailable parents
ii) my expectations
I can’t control the way others behave or treat me but I can control the way they make me feel.
I cannot make my parents love me or their grandchildren – their life experiences & hurts have made them hurt me but I had to let go of it to try & be the best mum to my kids (& I am so thankful to have a best friend of a husband & 2 lovely daughters)
What’s that saying? ‘ hurt people hurt people’
Beautiful reply, Kate… sending you a hug… how awesome that you figured it out… great attitude 🙂
Resentment is so hard to get rid of. There are a few people that I have struggled with resenting, because of what they have done that affected me. Prayer and asking God to remove the feelings that I felt I was unable to let go of. Certainly not instantly, but God has allowed me to forgive and walk away from some of those resentments. Still working on some!! Praying for you!
Thanks TGT 🙂
Prayer certainly does work!
Ahhh Sandi, good work on taking the steps to clear out some of those old resentments with a skilled body worker. Our bodies, cells, hold memories that our waking/cogent mind can’t deal with. I too have let go of toxic friends one after 13 years, and it’s not easy, but so freeing. Kate and I sound like our mama’s were sisters!! My mom was physically present but emotionally absent. These days my sister and I say that her role model was the most important factor in determining the way we would NOT be mamas to our kids. Sending you a hug for the hurt and a pat on the back for putting on the ol’ big girl panties and movin’ on. Your strength is deep and in time I trust the resentment will heal. xo
Thanks, Anna… The one thing I am always grateful for is that I had and still have a mom that was always there for me!
Your sharing brought tears to my eyes. I do agree that memories and feelings impact our bodies. Doing grief work is a process. You know that so well. Being angry at yourself is very dangerous and fattening. It may be helpful to put your anger in the right place.
My Uncle Jack always talked about these three rules of life.
1. Never kick a good man when he is down
2. Never brighten up a Dummy
3. Never wrestle with a turd
Uncle Jack was wise!
Sandi, so sorry you had to leave your much-loved job due to this person. I experienced such a person in grad school but was lucky enough to hang in there. It was a scary experience because there was no apparent motivation. As the oldest grad student in the program (40 at the time) she knew I didn’t buy her b.s. It made me a target. I must say it took me quite a while to get over the experience. I am still not sure why I had to have that experience in my life. . . perhaps she needed to experience my positive to her negative ; ) . . . perhaps I will never know.
I will share with you some wise advice given to me by a friend during a transition in my own life. He said, “As much as you can, try not see this as a loss. That way you can see the opportunities life has in store for you” I often hold this good advice in my heart with each new transition I face!
Wonderful advise, Sarah! One of the things that I’ve focused on is that if I hadn’t changed jobs in Abu Dhabi, I never would have come for the visit to China in April and therefore would not have had the 1 year opportunity I’ve had here… it’s been up and down this past year, but overall an awesome experience and one I wouldn’t trade!
So happy to hear that!