Letting Go

More wise words from Marc and Angel.

The past can steal your present if you let it. – You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, or even years sitting alone in a dark room, over-analyzing a situation from the past, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or should’ve happened.  Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and walk out the front door into the sunlight to get some fresh air.

Wise words, but OH SO HARD to do. There are many, many things that I have easily let go of… toxic friends, toxic work relationships, toxic people in general, but the one thing I am still having a hard time letting go of is the resentment I have from leaving Abu Dhabi last year due to working with a sociopath. Beating myself up for quitting a perfectly good job at a wonderful hospital (and turning down a promotion!) to try something different, start a maternity unit that was going to offer water birth for the first time in the Middle East. I ended up working with someone who was truly sociopathic in her behavior. Scary at times, to be honest. Many of the upper level management, like myself, have left the job because of her.

So why can’t I get past it… almost a year later? I did some work with my friend Julia Murchison, the most amazing massage therapist in the world. She was doing myofascial massage and we were chatting away. While we were chatting away she began working on an area of my abdomen. I suddenly burst into tears. I was quite confused about all of the emotions that I was having at the moment, for no apparent reason (at least to me). She asked me what I was thinking about right at that moment and I was thinking about how much I missed working in Abu Dhabi… the place she was working on represents resentment and that is exactly how I was feeling at the time.

I don’t know how long I’ll hold on to this anger about leaving. I really loved it there. I loved the culture, the people, the life style and my friends. I learned SO much from the midwives that I worked with at the Corniche Hospital… I was the only American… my mates were from England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, India, the Philippines, Pakistan and more. It was rich with culture, religion and birthing differently than I was use to. I miss it and I miss my friends that became like family.

I am going home, to Florida, in September. I am excited about it. I can’t wait to be back with my family and friends, but I will always have this little side of me that says, “What if”, about Abu Dhabi… my home away from home. I guess Julia has a LOT of work to do on me! 😀

I’m off to put on my “big girl panties” and get on with my day. I don’t regret leaving the pieces on the floor and walking away from the job I switched to. I am working towards being appreciative of the time that I did have there and the 1 year opportunity I’ve had working and living in China.

What do you have a hard time letting go of? If you’ve been successful at letting go, what is your secret?

Off to finish my work day!


For the Love & Justice of Caylee Marie

I’ll just put it out there from the start… I’m obsessed with the Casey Anthony trial. For those of you from another planet, Casey Anthony is on trial for 1st degree murder of her 2 year old daughter Caylee Marie. You can find the history here:

I have been following this case since July 2008, months before I left to come to Abu Dhabi… it seems so long ago. It seems a lifetime ago… how is it that someone can be accused of murdering their child and not be brought to trial for THREE YEARS! She has been incarcerated for most of that time, but for goodness sake where is the JUSTICE FOR CAYLEE?

I am following the trial on Orlando ABC affiliate WFTV on their web site. There is good coverage and a lawyer named Bill that gives commentary while there are side bars and breaks. Apparently on their site they hit a record 100,000 people watching online at the same time today. I believe it’s so irresistible to me because I can’t accept the notion that a mother would willingly kill her child out of convenience. The Prosecution states, as does Casey’s behavior the month Caylee was dead and she didn’t tell anyone, that Casey killed Caylee because she wanted to live a party life style. That Caylee was getting in Casey’s way of being able to go out and live her life. So then I ask, why didn’t she just leave Caylee with her mom. Well, a witnesses stated that Casey was jealous of her mom’s relationship with Caylee…. JEALOUS of the relationship between a grandma and a grandbaby…. yeah, this is a good excuse to kill your kid. So that leaves only one answer, Casey is a sociopath. Having watched her during this trial and seeing her behaviors during the time that Caylee was decomposing in the woods and her grandma and grandpa were worried about why Casey wouldn’t bring her home, I wholeheartedly believe this is the case. I’ve met two, diagnosable sociopaths in my life, and both of them exhibit the same characteristics as Casey, as defined here Hare Psychopathy Checklist.

I am also following it on Facebook here: Casey Anthony Trial and in email exchanges with my buddy Cathy. It’s pretty cool to be half way around the world and watching a live trial with one of your best buddies in the States. I consider myself luckier than Cathy because the trial starts at 430 p.m. here, on most days. The downside is that it usually wraps up around 130 a.m. here, as well. I usually go to bed around midnight and watch the video I missed in the morning when I get up and have my cup of coffee before work. Like I said… I’m obsessed, more so than the OJ case… which I still remember 16 years later where I was when the verdict came in… driving north on the Florida turnpike between Stuart and Williston.

Is she guilty… my opinion: AS SIN! She is a sociopathic bitch and I hope she rots in jail. This is just a week after the last time Caylee’s grandparents saw her… Casey out partying:

At a 4th of July party, 2 weeks after she murdered Caylee:

Evil personified… booking photo:

Is there reasonable doubt, not in my mind. This girl didn’t shed a single tear when her dad was up on the stand yesterday sobbing, sobbing at the loss of his grandchild, sobbing at the loss of his normal life, and I’m sure, sobbing over the loss of his child, who murdered his precious grandchild. My heart broke for him, from a human point of view, from a grandmother point of view, from the point of a feeling human being. George… on the stand:

Casey has NO feeling. The only time she gets upset is when it suits her. I pray, from the bottom of my soul that the jury feels the same way. I can’t imagine this girl going free… but OJ did, and we all know he was guilty.

I just can’t understand on any level at all how someone could wrap duct tape around this child’s nose and mouth and leave her for dead in the swamp 1/4 mile from your home… I.just.can’t.wrap.my.head.around.it!

I am watching the trial live as I type this. Casey has just stood up to state that she won’t get on the stand. I don’t blame her. She would be eviscerated by the Prosecution. This is her right. The best thing this girl has going for her is she has a clown for a lead attorney… Jose Baez, fondly known as Bozo in the blogs. If she is found guilty next week, she will most likely get another trial based on ineffective counsel. This guy can’t even complete a sentence. He calls witnesses for the defense, that end up benefiting the Prosecution.

The Prosecution are amazing. I would hate to be on the wrong side of the table against Linda Drane Burdick and Jeff Ashton. They are Caylee’s heroes. They are doing a great job prosecuting this case. They appear to me to be utmost professionals. I pray for their strength every night. Yesterday during testimony from a grief counselor Ms. Burdick cried at the end of the testimony when the grief counselor talked of an unassociated case of a mother who’s 3 year old died, and how she went to the cemetery with the mother in a thunder storm because the little boy had never been alone in a storm before. Touching, to most of us. To Casey… NOTHING, no emotion, NOTHING. The only time she reacted to the grief counselor’s testimony was when HER attorney asked the witness to presume a story of a little girl and her amazing mother (referring to Casey)… Casey started wiping her eyes (never actually saw tears) and I nearly snorted soda on the key board. So obviously a sociopath.

So, we’ll know the results of this case in the next 5 days or so… I pray this young woman never gets out of prison. EVER, for the safety of our society. Sociopaths walk among us, folks. Casey is one of them. I pray we see JUSTICE for Caylee!