Reblog – 9 Things a True Friend Would Never Do

I had a long conversation about this with a true friend this weekend and now Marc and Angel put it out there in a blog…

9 Things a True Friend Would Never Do

An acquaintance has a little something in common with you and merely enjoys your company for a short time. A fair-weather friend flatters you when the sun is shining and the birds are chirping. A true friend, on the other hand, has your very best interests at heart and would NEVER…

1. Criticize you for being flawed.
As flawed as you might be, as out of place as you sometimes feel, and as lacking as you think you are, you don’t have to hide all the imperfect pieces of yourself from a true friend. They see your flaws as features that make you interesting and beautiful.

The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations. True friends love and appreciate each other just the way they are.

2. Walk away when times get tough.
True friendship and good character is all about how a person nurtures another person when they are vulnerable and can give very little in return. Thus, it’s not who’s standing beside you during good times, but the ones who stick by you through tough times that are your true friends.

So take note of who remains in your life when times get tough, especially the people who sacrifice the resources they have in their life to help you improve yours when you need it most. Seriously, when you come out the other side of a difficult period in your life, look around you. The people still standing beside you are your true friends.

3. Discourage you.
Unfortunately, some who seem like your friends will try to hold you back from your full potential. It may be difficult, but don’t let these negative imposters bring you down. Don’t ever let your so-called friends turn your sky into a ceiling. Beware of friends who try to belittle your ambitions. Small hearts and minds always do that. The greatest hearts and minds – the people you should spend time around – make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Remember, encouraging things happen when you distance yourself from discouraging people. Doing so doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

4. Hold a grudge over your head.
Some people will refuse to accept that you are no longer who you used to be – that you’ve made mistakes in the past, learned from them, and moved beyond them. They may not be able to stand the fact that you’re growing and moving on with your life, and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you. Do not help them by acknowledging their begrudging behavior. Let go of their negativity, find peace, and liberate yourself!

A true friend never holds the unchangeable past against you; instead, they help your repair your present and future. If someone relentlessly judges you by your past and holds it against you, you might have to take matters into your own hands, and repair your present and future by leaving them behind.

5. Lie to you.
When you keep someone in your life who is a chronic liar, and you keep giving them new chances to be trusted, you have a lot in common with this person – you’re both lying and being unfriendly to YOU.

If you know someone who avoids the truth by telling you only what you want to hear, they do so for their own benefit, not yours. They are not a true friend and they don’t deserve to be treated as such.

6. Pretend like they have all the answers.
If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life – the ones who truly made a difference – you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems. They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway.

Don’t look for a friend who will solve all your problems; look for one who will face them with you. (Read Tuesdays with Morrie.)

7. Take from you without giving back.
You deserve to be with friends who make you smile – friends who don’t take you for granted – friends who won’t leave you hanging. When you notice that a friend is always taking from you without giving back, you might need to distance yourself from them for a while. If they care, they’ll notice. If they don’t, you know where you stand.

You should want to give, but you shouldn’t be forced to always give more than you get. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of, respect yourself enough to confront the situation. This doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends with those who you feel are at fault, but you need to evaluate your friendships and realize where to draw the line when you give yourself to certain people.

8. Bully you.
It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to your friends. Sometimes bullying comes from the most unlikely places. Be cognizant of how your friends treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw. When necessary, confront them or distance yourself from them – whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to grow into who you really are.

Life’s too short to be hanging around people who try to control and manipulate you. Anyone who does so is not a true friend. Gain your independence by taking off the shackles and freeing yourself from these bullies. (Read The Mastery of Love.)

9. Make you feel like you’re burdening them.
True friendship is never burdened with stressful promises and obligations. What true friends do for each other should be done because they care and because they want to do them. Period.

So don’t chase people. They don’t need to be chased. If someone is a true friend and wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever force yourself on someone who continuously overlooks your worth.

Afterthoughts
A true friend who understands your tears and troubles is far more valuable than a hundred friends who only show up for your smiles and joys. Because a true friend accepts who you truly are, and also helps you become who you are capable of being.

Friendships like this require more than just finding the right person, they also require you to be the right person. When someone believes in you enough to lift you up, try not to let them down. True friendship is a sweet responsibility to be nurtured, not an opportunity to be exploited.

I’m going to add a couple of my own:

10. Talk to you about mutual friends in a negative way
True friends don’t talk about you to others in a negative light or behind your back. Do you have a friend who talks about others to you and then pretends to be that person’s friend in front of others? Sadly, people that do this have serious self-esteem and self worth issues and by belittling others it makes them feel better about themselves. To BELITTLE is to BE LITTLE. If your friend is talking smack about others TO you, they are probably talking smack ABOUT you 😦

11. A true friend knows when to give you space
Sometimes we need space. A true friend knows when you are backing off because you need that space and doesn’t feel put out by your distance. They will send you messages now and then to make sure you’re OK, but will give you the time you need to figure out your own stuff. As a friend, you will also be able to recognize this and respect the distance your friend needs and be there when they need you.

Your turn…
What would you add to the list? What’s one thing a true friend would never do? Leave a comment below and let me know.

Dukan – Consolidation Day 400 or so

Wow, what a few very busy weeks! I am working 4 part time jobs, so time for breathing, much less blogging, is in short supply!

I’m working at the birth house 2 days a week, teaching midwives to be at the college 1 day a week, running my billing business with my daughter 1.5 days a week and teaching seminars and workshops on the weekends!

4th of July was fun! Fireworks riverside in my home town and a move from my small apartment to a big house to accommodate my daughter Tiffany and her husband and kids.

One of my rooms is being set up with a studio and I plan on offering childbirth education, nutrition and exercise education, yoga, massage and other complimentary therapies from there. I also have a good sized pool and plan on offering aqua natal classes, as well.

12th of July was my middle child Jenni’s 30th birthday. I’m still in my 40’s (49) and have two kids in their 30’s I love it!! We had a wonderful Outback Steakhouse dinner together.

I’m back to running and I’m happy about that. My daughter has a boxer mix named Kapone and he’s my running mate 😀 I’m doing interval running and building back up my distance. The area I live in is the only hilly area in south Florida! And they are little hills, but hills none the less. I’ve also been doing a lot of bicycle riding. So the really good news is I’m back under my True Weight 😀 WOO HOO!!! Even though I was eating well, staying gluten free and eating minimal replacement foods, I was struggling with getting my Australia weight off. The problem was I wasn’t getting enough fiber, water OR exercise!! I put all 3 back in and it’s come off. I’m very happy!

I’ve been honored to serve a few women the past month or so at their births and the wonder of it stills overwhelms me. I love that after nearly 20 years in this business I still tear up, get goosebumps and am elated when a baby comes earth side. How fortunate am I to be blessed with such a great task in life?

And finally, a prayer answered, so quickly and clearly I almost missed that it was answered. On Friday night I prayed for clarity on a friendship. I got the answer 8 short hours later when said friend violated one of the moral and ethical codes friends just don’t violate. And even though they wanted to maintain our friendship I couldn’t because of who I am. I’m mourning the loss of that friendship, but I’m grateful that my prayer was answered and I now know that I’ve freed myself up for better things to come and I’m so excited about that! Lesson learned: God does answer prayer, we just need to have our eyes and ears open to hear the answer 🙂

Here’s some pics from the past few weeks:

View during morning walks:

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Bargain on gas using our Winn Dixie grocery store fuel perks card!!

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Best coffee ever, the old fashioned way!

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My new bedroom…

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Kapone and I, out for a ride…

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Sofia using one of our moving boxes for a sofa 🙂

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Love my job!!!

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And Sofia before church this morning… When everyone else was still sleeping, she snuck in the kitchen while I was quietly sipping my first cup of coffee and asked if I would do her hair…

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DAY 9 – Daily Photo Challenge

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Day 09 – A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Well, this will probably be the most difficult post to write out of all of them. Because the person who has gotten me through the most in my life isn’t in my life anymore. She could probably say that I got her through the most, as well.

Susan and I met in 1975 at Stuart Middle School. Her dad was our band leader and we both played clarinet. It would take me days to write all the stuff we’ve been through together, middle school, high school, marriages, divorces (me), kids, kid with disabilities, grandkid with disabilities, concerts, job problems, kid problems, legal problems, health scares, college graduations, tons of trips together, scary subways, diets, and mean people. Through thick and thin we stayed friends, often calling each other at the exact same time, always ending our phone conversations with I love you… And we did and probably still do, but sometimes it’s time to say goodbye and put a relationship to rest. That happened 4 years ago. I haven’t spoken to her since. And although I miss that closeness that we had, I knew it was time to move in another direction.

But she is undoubtedly the person who picked me up, brushed me off and got me through some of the craziest times in my life and I will always have that!

The first picture is 1975 marching in a parade.

We’re the first and second ladies from the right. Celebrating our 40th birthday with friends we graduated high school with. Picture taken 2003.

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